I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
