I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
