she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
