so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
