Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
