i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
