So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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