hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
