There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
