the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize