Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
