Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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