I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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