I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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