Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
