u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Randomize
