By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
