there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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