Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
i drank out of a bidet.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
