I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I should be sponsored by Trojan
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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