don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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