WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
there is glitter all over my balls
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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