I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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