Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
