if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
