he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Your cock deserves a montage
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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