they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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