so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
The uberlube is also flammable
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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