If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
