There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
