dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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