I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
