Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
