im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
