hotel room ftw
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
