Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me at "let me see your balls"
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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