When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
