turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
