I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
