and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
