You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
