Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
