I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize