apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
