I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
