Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
