Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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