How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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