those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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