dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
