I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
