You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
