i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
