I'm really into asian looking animals
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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