We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
