Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
dude. I can hear the air.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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