you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
