jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
