Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
