I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
