How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
