Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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