I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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