i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Michael Bay diarrhea
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
