she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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