I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
