you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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