I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
