Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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