shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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