Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
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I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
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You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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