I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
