I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
