i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
