How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm getting married
To pizza
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
