Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
