i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
