Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize