i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
